Begin Again
by Phoenixhallow89
Summary: The pain she felt was white hot and blinding. It ripped through her veins and burst from her skin. It seemed like no one was going to save her, until he showed up. The man she tried so hard to hate but now he's the only one she can stand being near. SS/LE! Rated M for violence, sexual assault and some later lemons! Please read and review! It's my first Lily/Severus fanfiction!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Lily Evans is supposed to marry James Potter in only a few weeks' time. She is sent on a mission with a few other Order members and ends up being kidnapped by Death Eaters. She doesn't know how long she is held captive and tortured before an old friend finds her. Severus Snape is horrified to find Lily locked away in the Dark Lord's dungeon, starved and broken. While he devises a plan to get Lily out, he does everything he can to make her as comfortable as possible without alerting any of the Death Eaters or Voldemort himself. He eventually comes to the conclusion that he needs the help of the Order and goes straight to Dumbledore. After being rescued, Lily refuses to let anyone near her, except for Severus. As Severus works to fix Lily, they forgive each other and become closer than ever. Will love bloom? Or will Lily end up going back to James? SS/LE

**Author's Note: **So this is my very first Severus/Lily fanfic! I've always loved this pairing and just recently started reading SS/LE fanfics! They made me love this pairing even more and once I got this idea, I knew I had to write it! I love reviews, they make me so happy! So, once you read it, review it! :]

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter, nor will I ever own it.

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**Begin Again  
Captured**

_Lily's POV_

It was silent that night as she walked to headquarters, the kind of silent that made her feel like cotton balls were stuffed in her ears. Snow fell softly from the sky and encased Lily Evans in a Winter Wonderland. It was amazing to her that even in the middle of chaos the world could still produce beauty. She paused just outside of headquarters and looked around warily. Once she was sure that she wasn't being followed, she spoke the words that would reveal the house to her. Where there was once only an empty field, a cozy cottage suddenly sprung into existence. Even after eight years in the wizarding world, magic still never ceased to amaze her. She looked around again before quickly making her way into the cottage. Once inside, Lily hung up her scarf and jacket. She could hear soft voices coming from the dining room and quickly walked through the cottage. She stood in the doorway of the dining room for a few moments, just watching. James, Sirius, Remus, Fabian, Gideon, Frank, Alice and Dumbledore were all laughing at something. Laughter was a rare thing lately and she relished in all of their smiles, the different pitches of their laughter. It was only a moment longer before James turned towards the doorway and his eyes lit up when they landed on his fiancée.

"Lily!" he stood up from his seat and practically ran towards Lily then picked her up and spun her around.

She laughed lightly, "I missed you too, James!"

"Who said I missed you?" he teased, kissing Lily gently on the mouth.

She rolled her eyes and smacked his arm when he set her down on her feet. He laughed again, that throaty laughed that sent tingles down her spine, and pulled her over to the table. As they sat down, the atmosphere changed drastically, from happy and carefree to serious and grim. Laughter didn't last lately. They were always sobered by the threat of Voldemort looming over their heads. James grasped her hand tightly, his presence was comforting to her and she was thankful that she didn't have to go on this mission without him. They were all quiet for a few moments, taking in the reassuring presence of their friends, here and _alive. _They never knew how long that would last and they relished in the vitality of their lives. Lily was brought out of her musings when Dumbledore stood. Even though she had graduated almost a year ago, he still held her rapt attention.

"We have found another one of the Death Eater's hideouts. There is estimated to be about five of them stationed there," Dumbledore said, "I've made a portkey that will take you all there. Remember to split up into pairs, watch out for each other and good luck."

It was one of Dumbledore's shorter speeches. Lily was a little thankful for that, though. This was only her fourth mission, but her first with actual combat in it. She wanted to just get it out of the way. Lily was nervous, but she knew that James would look out for her. Dumbledore produced a tea kettle and set it down in the middle of the table. They all glanced at each other, memorizing the faces of their friends and taking in the glow of their friends' lives before touching the portkey. Lily stared at James, drinking him in, the dark untidy hair, the hazel eyes that were flecked with gold and the sensual curve of his lips. She had always thought James was handsome in school, but never noticed just how much until… Lily shook her head, cutting off the thought before it could form. She wouldn't think about _him._ All too soon, she felt the familiar tug behind her navel and then they were spinning out of control. She hated traveling by portkey. It always made her feel so disoriented. After what seemed like hours, Lily's feet slammed into the ground and she staggered. A pair of strong arms swiftly wrapped around her waist to steady her and she leaned into the familiar embrace.

"Alright, Evans?" James whispered into her ear.

"Perfect, thanks to you," Lily whispered back.

After a quick kiss, they moved forward. Once they were close enough to see the dilapidated house, Lily turned to hug Alice. They didn't need words to convey their friendship and their need for the other to come out of this alive. After pulling away, Alice took Frank's hand and they disappeared to the right. Fabian and Gideon followed them after inclining their heads towards the rest of the group. James grasped Lily's hand and they followed Remus and Sirius to the left of the house. The windows were dark and Lily couldn't see any movement inside, but dread pooled in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know why, but she suddenly felt like after this, things would never be the same again. With the signal shown from Gideon, they moved forward. When they were only a few feet from the house, all hell broke loose. Light flooded the yard and the front door burst open, Death Eaters pouring out of it. Lily's mind frantically tried to count them all, but the only thing she could think was, _'There's more than five!'_

She could faintly hear James calling her name and she could feel him pulling on her arm. A jet of green light just barely missed her shoulder and that brought her out of her trance. Lily pulled out her wand and started firing stunning spells in seemingly random directions. Lights burst around her, brilliant flashes in green, red, white and yellow. Plumes of dust coated her hair and face, leaving a sour taste in her mouth. James clutched her hand tightly as they ran through the house, trying to follow the shouting voices of their friends. She cast a few spells at the Death Eaters that were following behind them while James fought off the ones in front of them. A jet of white light ricocheted off of the mirror to her left and hit the wall to her right, an explosion booming through hallway. Almost in slow motion, she felt the force of the blow, her hand being ripped from James' grasp and saw the wall crumble between them as she was thrown backwards into a table. Stars winked behind her eyes and the sounds around her were muffled as she struggled to sit up. Her hands groped on the ground near her, searching for her wand but coming up empty. She knew she should panic, but she didn't have the strength.

"_LILY!"_

It was James screaming her name and she tried to answer, but her voice wasn't working. Rough hands hauled her up to stand, but she knew they weren't the hands of anyone she knew. Her eyes were able to focus for a moment, locking on the mask of a Death Eater before she let out a pathetic whimper and darkness claimed her.

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Consciousness slammed into Lily like a bucket of ice cold water. Quite literally. She jerked awake, gasping and sputtering, blinking the cold water from her eyes. She went to brush back the wet hair that was plastered to her cheeks, but found her wrists bound by chains. She tugged at them frantically, her surroundings finally coming into focus. The room she was in was bare. The walls were made out of stone with a single wooden door set into the wall to her right. The floor was dirty and she found herself sitting in a chair, her hands and feet both bound. She heard movement behind her and she whipped her head quickly from side to side, searching for the source of the noise. She couldn't see behind her and she let out a whimper before a man moved into view. She couldn't make out his face, he stood far enough away from her that it was hidden in shadows. She watched as he pulled his wand from the inside of his robes and pointed it at her chest. Lily struggled against her bonds with only small pathetic noises passing her lips; she was disgusted to find she couldn't even scream.

"_Crucio."_

A shrill scream tore from her lips and in the back of her mind, she was glad she could still scream. The pain she felt was white hot and blinding. It ripped through her veins and burst from her skin. She couldn't focus on anything but the pain. It surrounded and suffocated her, willing her to give in and break. She refused; Lily knew she was stronger than one unforgivable curse but she didn't know how long she could last. Her muscles tensed, cramped and released. Tensed, cramped and released. Over and over. She could feel her body contorting, straining against the bonds that held her down. Vaguely she was aware that the Death Eater in front of her was laughing cruelly, he was _enjoying _her pain, but the thought was gone as soon as it came. The blood roaring in her ears was too powerful. After what seemed like an age, she felt her body go limp, her muscles twitching and cramping. Her head lolled forward and rough hands grabbed her chin, jerking her head up. Her eyes couldn't focus enough to make out who was in front of her, but she could see his sneer.

"Filthy mudblood scum," he snarled, "We'll have fun breaking you down."

Lily gathered her strength and spat in the man's face, glaring at him. The man only laughed and drew away from her. With a quick flick of his wand, the chair underneath her was gone and she found herself chained to the cold stone floor. Pain shot up her leg and she grimaced. When he lifted his wand again, Lily tried to brace herself for the pain she knew she was about to endure, but knew she stood no chance against the crippling curse.

"_Crucio!"_

The pain tore through her again with unbelievable force. She felt her back lift off of the ground as her muscles tensed and she screamed until she didn't realize she was still screaming. The world around her was falling away and she tried desperately to beat back the waves of pain that crashed around her. She knew the man was yelling at her, calling her foul names and it brought back memories of _him. _The man she had loved more than life itself, only to have her heart shattered. She ignored the end of their friendship and tried to focus on all of the happy memories she had. It was almost impossible when she felt like her body was being rent in two, but she found a rhythm and she repeated that rhythm in her mind like a mantra.

_Tense, cramp, release._

_Tense, cramp, release._

_Tense, cramp, release._

The pain kept intensifying; he never let up and only drove the power of the curse higher. It was to the point where she couldn't make a sound, her throat too raw from screaming. She was losing her strength and blackness clawed its way up her throat and encased her. She knew she wouldn't last much longer so she let the darkness carry her away. It was only a brief respite and when she woke up next, she found herself alone. Her entire body was shaking and she couldn't tell if it was from the cold or the soreness in her muscles from prolonged exposure to the cruciatus curse. She curled in on herself and attempted to keep what little heat she had left before she let the darkness claim her again.

_**Lily was at the park. The park by her house that she always went to with **_**him. **_**She was younger, though, much younger, and Petunia was there. Lily had a flower cupped in her palm and she was opening and closing the petals, fascinated by what she could do by just wishing that it would happen. At first it had only happened when she was scared or angry, but then she had learned how to control it and she was able to do lots of things. Things she had never dreamed she could do before.**_

"_**Stop it!"**_

_**Lily looked up at her sister, surprised at her outburst, "It's not hurting you." But Petunia's words had hurt Lily and she crushed the flower in her palm and threw it to the ground.**_

"_**It's not right," Petunia said, and Lily watched how Petunia's eyes longingly watched the flower's descent to the ground, "How do you do it?"**_

"_**It's obvious isn't it?"**_

_**Lily turned her head to where the boy had emerged from the bushes. Petunia had shrieked and ran towards the swings, but Lily just observed him calmly. He was wearing a ridiculously large coat, but Lily could tell from his sharp cheekbones that he had to be rather thin. His skin was pale and almost sickly, but his dark eyes were wide and earnest. He had hair so dark that it almost looked blue in the sunlight and Lily found herself fascinated by him for reasons she couldn't explain.**_

"_**What's obvious?" Lily asked him, tilting her head slightly to the side.**_

_**She could tell the boy was nervous or excited by the way he shifted from foot to foot. He glanced at Petunia quickly before turning his attention back to Lily and lowering his voice, "I know what you are."**_

"_**What do you mean?"**_

"_**You're… you're a witch!"**_

Lily gasped as ice cold water was thrown over her head once again. She didn't know how long she had been out this time and she was honestly afraid to know the answer. She stayed in the same curled position she had fallen asleep in and only moved her head to see who was in the room with her. It was a different Death Eater; she knew this because he had a bigger build than the man who had been in the room with her before. She glared at him, too, and immediately regretted it. In a flash, he had her pinned up against the wall, gasping for breath. He moved quickly for someone so large and Lily tried in vain to pry his hands from her throat. He held her throat tight enough for it to be uncomfortable for her to breath, but not tight enough to stop her from breathing completely. He leaned in close to her and buried his nose against her throat, inhaling deeply. Lily shuddered involuntary at the unwanted contact and turned her head away.

"Don't turn away from me, mudblood whore," he drawled, "You're a pretty little thing for something so dirty."

Lily felt his tongue shoot out of his mouth as he licked and bit her neck, none too gently. She felt like she was going to be sick. He moved away from her slightly before kissing her mouth roughly. Lily struggled to move her face away from his, but he bit her lip hard, making her gasp in pain. He took the opportunity to shove his tongue into her mouth and Lily used the opportunity to bite down on the offending appendage. He pulled away from her, yelling in outrage. He let go of her neck and she dropped heavily to the ground.

"Filthy bitch!" he shrieked and slapped her hard across the face.

Lily felt her head snap to the side and her vision danced with stars from the force of the blow. Lily didn't even see him pull out his wand before the familiar pain snaked through her body with a mind blowing force. Her mantra didn't help this time as scream after scream fell from her lips as her body twisted and she felt herself bite her own tongue. The pain was too much to handle and she quickly blacked out.

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_James' POV_

James Potter was unable to hide his temper when he stormed back into Order Headquarters. Everyone had come out of the battle relatively unscathed, except Lily was _missing. _He was absolutely furious. He flung open the door and slammed it shut behind him. He knew Dumbledore would still be here and he wanted to give that man a piece of his mind. James was the first one back to Headquarters so he knew he could face Dumbledore alone. He thundered into the kitchen and found Dumbledore sitting calmly at the table, a cup of tea in one hand. He took a sip as James stood in the doorway, fuming.

"You lied to us!" James shouted, "We were ambushed! They took Lily!"

Dumbledore calmly set his tea on the table and looked at James over his half-moon spectacles, "I can assure you, James, I had no idea that there were more than five present in that house."

James wasn't quite ready to let go of his anger, but he knew that Dumbledore was right. He knew that someone must have tipped the Death Eaters off. He sat down heavily in the chair across from Dumbledore and dropped his head into his hands. How could he have lost Lily? He was supposed to protect her! He had to get her back. Whatever it took, he would get her back. He would find her and marry her just like he was supposed to do. Slowly everyone else started to make their way back to Headquarters but no one said anything to him. No one wanted to tell him that Lily could already be dead.

"Don't worry, James," Sirius said, "We'll find her."

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**Author's Note: **The bit that's in bold and italics is taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, chapter 33, The Prince's Tale on page 664. Although, I changed it to be more from Lily's point of view than from Severus'. I was going to put Severus in this chapter but I didn't want it to seem like Lily was only held captive for a few hours before he found her. So here is chapter one! Please review and let me know what you think of it! I would really appreciate it and I would love to hear what you think! It makes me want to upload the second chapter faster!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter, nor will I ever own it.

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**Begin Again  
****Chapter Two**

_Severus' POV_

It had been three weeks since the Order's attempt at raiding the Death Eater's main safe house. Whoever fed them the information obviously didn't know the whole story. The Dark Lord was planning his next big attack and had ordered all of his followers to his Headquarters. Snow still covered the ground from the storm a few days ago and Severus Snape stopped to admire the frozen stream near the house the Dark Lord had made his own. The ice sent a dazzling array of colors across the bank and Severus couldn't help but think how much _she _would have loved it. Winter had always been _her _favorite time of the year. He used to love it because she did; now it just made him sick. With a scowl marring his features, he pulled out his wand and muttered, _"Bombarda!"_ He watched as the ice shattered in a mini-explosion and the colors on the bank faded away into nothingness. Just like his relationship with _her. _He turned on his heel and continued making his way to Headquarters, the snow crunching under his feet and his robes billowing behind him. This would only be his second time to the Dark Lord's home; the first being when he received his dark mark. If the Dark Lord wanted Severus to carry out some sort of mission, he would have one of the Death Eaters come to him at Spinner's End. It wasn't long before the old, decrepit house loomed above him and Severus took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

There were special wards all over this house that the Dark Lord himself had created, one of them being that the only people who could get past the front gate were those with the Dark Mark. The only other people who were allowed in this house were the muggles and muggleborns that the Death Eaters kidnapped, tortured and killed. Rape was frowned upon by the Dark Lord, at least the rape of people with dirty blood. Purebloods and blood traitors were a completely different story. Severus shook his head to rid himself of the direction of his thoughts in case the Dark Lord was listening. He couldn't let the Dark Lord know that he had immediately regretted his decision as soon as he had made it. The gate opened automatically when the wards detected his presence and he swept up the pathway to the front door, pushing it open.

"Good to see you again, Severus," came the drawling voice of Lucius Malfoy.

Severus inclined his head towards the older wizard, "Lucius. How's Narcissa?"

"She's doing well, a little under the weather still, but much better than before," Lucius replied.

"I'm glad to hear that," Severus said, he really did like Narcissa; she had always been nice to him in school.

Lucius escorted Severus into the main dining hall where most of the other Death Eaters had already gathered. The Dark Lord had yet to appear, but he never started these little meetings when he said he would. Severus sat near the end of the long table, as far away from the Dark Lord as he could possibly get. He didn't want anything to do with the man, but now he had no choice. It was either stay with him or die fighting to escape. Severus never really liked to join in the conversations, they were mostly about the people they had captured and were now torturing. Severus kept himself locked in his home, creating potions and curses. That was his job for the Dark Lord. Severus was lost in his own thoughts until he caught a piece of the hushed conversation from the Death Eaters sitting next to him.

"-filthy bitch," one of them muttered, "She fucking bit me again."

The other man chuckled, "Well that's what you get for trying to get cozy to her."

"It's been three weeks! She should be completely at our mercy!"

Severus' heart stopped. Three weeks ago was the raid on the main safe house. One of the Order members had been taken, he knew that much, he just didn't expect it to be one of the few females he knew of that were part of Dumbledore's little group. He tried not to think about the fact that it could be _her, _but he knew it was a possibility. He knew that if it was _her _then he would do something very stupid. He kept his composure on the outside and strained to hear the rest of their conversation.

"It was so easy to capture her! She didn't even put up a fight," the second Death Eater said, "You should have heard Potter screaming for her."

It took all of Severus' concentration to stay in his seat and keep his face blank. Inside he was panicking. They had _her. _He had to find a way to help her escape. He knew he couldn't leave the room until the Dark Lord had finished speaking to them, so Severus willed himself to calm down. He carefully reinforced the blocks on his mind and he hid this new piece of information in the dark recesses of his mind where he kept all of his thoughts about _her. _It would do no good for Severus to get killed now while she was being tortured. By the time Severus was done strengthening his mind, the Dark Lord swept into the room. A hush fell over the Death Eaters as they stared at the man at the head of the table with fear and adoration in their eyes. It made Severus sick.

"Through some quite effective measures, Rodolphus and Amycus have managed to find Order Headquarters," the Dark Lord said quietly. He didn't have to speak loud, he held everyone's rapt attention.

"Did the pretty little mudblood finally squeal?" Bellatrix cackled and rubbed her hands together in excitement.

"Yes, Bellatrix, she did," the Dark Lord smiled, "They have another meeting in a weeks' time. We're going to gather our forces and attack them where they are least expecting it."

Murmurs and cheers went up at this, but Severus only wanted to find _her. _What had they done? His panic was slowly rising again and he forced it down. He tried to act excited like the others, but he could only feel the rage sweeping through him. He breathed through his nose and clenched his fists underneath the table. He had to calm down. He slowly unclenched his fists and made sure to keep his face blank and wiped all thoughts of _her _from his mind. He would deal with it later.

"Do you have something for me, Severus?" the Dark Lord asked, turning to speak directly to him.

"Of course, my Lord, I have perfected a new curse that should do quite a bit of damage to the enemy," Severus said cooly.

"I'd like to see a demonstration."

"Certainly, my Lord," Severus dipped his head.

"Bring it out!" the Dark Lord commanded.

Severus kept his head down and silently prayed that it wouldn't be_ her _he had to use this curse on. When he heard the sound of someone being thrown to the ground, he forced himself to look up. The relief he felt washed through him and nearly knocked him to the ground. The person they brought up was a man and clearly a muggle. He looked to be in his late twenties with sandy colored hair and blue eyes. While it made Severus sick to hurt innocent people, he was glad that it wasn't _her. _He might not have been able to do it. He let a twisted smile grace his features so the Dark Lord would think he was enjoying his task and walked up to the quivering man, his wand held aloft.

"_Cruor glacio," _he murmured, twisting his wrist to the right so his palm was facing upwards before flicking his wand to the left.

The man lay at Severus' feet, staring up at him for several minutes before he let out a gasp and began clawing at his chest. The Death Eaters watched with glee as the man slowly died in front of them. Severus was disgusted with himself for making such a terrible curse, but he kept the counter curse to himself so that he could help anyone he saw with the symptoms. The Dark Lord had wanted something fatal and Severus delivered. Once the man was still, Lucius stood up and checked his pulse.

"Dead, my Lord," he said.

"Very good, Severus," the Dark Lord congratulated, "What does it do?"

"It freezes the blood slowly," Severus explained, "Depending on the strength of the curse and if you do the wand movements right, it can take anywhere from three minutes to an hour to kill."

"You've done well. I hope everyone was watching. We will meet here again in a week for our assault on Order Headquarters," with that said, the Dark Lord rose from his chair and left the room.

Severus couldn't stand to stare at the man he had murdered any longer so he left in the opposite direction of the Dark Lord. He knew he had to go down to the dungeons and find _her. _He cast a disillusionment charm over himself and made his way down to the dungeons. Once he had entered through the door, he cast a charm at the entrance to alert him if someone was coming down the stairs. He looked in almost twenty different cells before he finally found _her. _His heart broke at the sight. She was curled in on herself and shaking violently. She didn't move when the door opened and Severus could tell by her flushed face that she had a fever. The rest of her skin was deathly pale. Her clothes were barely there and they hung off of her now thin frame. Shutting the door behind him, Severus walked into the room and dropped to his knees next to her. He reversed the disillusionment charm so she could see him and he reached out to gently touch her face. She flinched away from him and Severus let his arm fall heavily to his side.

"Oh Lily…" he breathed sadly.

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_Lily's POV_

Lily had no idea how long she had been locked away in this room, cold and starving. They gave her bread and water, just enough to survive, and if she didn't consume anything, they would force it down her throat. Her clothes were in tatters and did nothing against the cold stone. She was filthy and so, so tired. The same two Death Eaters always came into the room she was kept. The first one would torture her for hours using various methods, but he still preferred the cruciatus curse. The second would touch her and kiss her in ways that made her hate herself. He never actually had sex with her, claiming it to be disgusting to _'fuck a mudblood'. _Her breathing was shallow and she just stared up at the ceiling, waiting for someone to come into the room. She knew she was sick, possibly dying, and yet she found she didn't care. They had already gotten the information they wanted out of her. She didn't want to tell them anything about the Order, but they _made _her talk. It was so easy for Death Eaters, who had no limitations to what they would do, to get information. She wanted to die now. No one was coming to save her. They had abandoned her. The door opened and Lily turned her head to see which one had come to torture her. Death Eater number two, just the person she wanted to see.

"Ready for some fun?" he sneered.

Lily turned her back on him and pressed herself against the stone wall, anything to get away from him. She didn't want his hands on her. Of course, there was nowhere else for her to go to escape and she couldn't even stand on her own two legs. He grabbed her roughly by the shoulder and jerked her to face him. She glared defiantly at him but he laughed and grabbed her by the neck, hauling her up. He pressed his body against hers and Lily shuddered when she felt his hard length pressing against her thigh. He kissed and bit her neck, causing her to wince in pain. He kept one hand around her throat while the other hand roughly grabbed at her breasts. Lily felt absolutely no pleasure as this man handled her in ways that made her sick. She didn't even want James to touch her like this anymore. She didn't want anyone to touch her. She just wanted to disappear. She felt his hands wandering lower and she let out a small sob. He covered his mouth with hers to swallow the sounds and when he pried his mouth open, Lily bit down on his tongue again.

He cried out and pulled away from her, "God damnit! Fucking cunt! You're lucky the Dark Lord's called a meeting. Soon all your little friends will be dead because of you!"

Glaring at her, he threw her down on the ground, hard and put a well-placed kick to her side. The breath whooshed out of Lily's mouth and she gasped for air. She heard him walk out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Lily clutched her side and tried to get her breathing under control. She stayed on the ground where the Death Eater had thrown her and she curled up, trying to keep warm. She knew that he would come back whenever their little meeting was done and she couldn't stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks at the thought of everyone at Order Headquarters dying because of her. She shouldn't care, though; they had left her here to die. When she heard the door open again a few hours later, she didn't even bother to look up. She knew she was going to be punished for what she had done. She heard the man drop to the ground beside her and when she felt his fingertips on her face, she flinched.

"Oh Lily…"

Lily froze. She knew that voice. She could pick it out anywhere. It was the voice that both haunted and comforted her. It was _his _voice. She had to be dreaming. There was no way that _he _could be here. She slowly lifted her head up and was met with the fathomless dark eyes of Severus Snape. She didn't want to believe it. Memories of him had been keeping her going. She would think of Severus and everything else melted away. She stared up at him and she could see the pain in his eyes, the tears she knew he wanted to shed. Lily had always been able to read Severus, even when he didn't want anyone to know what he was feeling, Lily could always tell. Nothing about their past mattered right now. The only thing that mattered was that Severus had found her when everyone else had abandoned her. She winced when she moved her hand towards him and coughed.

"Sev…" it was barely audible and hoarse, but it was something.

Severus caught his hand in hers and brought it to his cheek, "I don't have much time, Rodolphus or Amycus could come down here any minute, but I'll do what I can, ok?"

"Please… don't leave…" Lily forced out.

"If I'm going to get you out alive, we have to do this carefully," Severus whispered, "Please trust me."

Lily nodded and Severus carefully placed her hand on the ground. He began waving his wand and muttering incantations. Lily felt her skin warm up and the ground she was lying on became more comfortable. The pain in her side slowly subsided and it became easier for her to breathe. He cast two more charms on her after that but Lily had no idea what they were. She didn't feel anything and she looked up at him questioningly.

"I cast a heating charm, a cushioning charm and a healing charm. The last two were for your safety. One will alert me if you're too injured and the other will help dull the effects of the cruciatus curse," Severus explained, "I'll come back with a fever reducer potion and some food. Have they been feeding you?"

"Pieces of bread," Lily muttered, her throat didn't hurt as much now.

"I'll bring you some fruit," Severus said softly, "Small amounts; we don't want to make you sick."

"Thank you, Sev… for everything," Lily said sincerely.

Severus cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead lightly, "Anything for you, Lily."

Terrified that something would happen to him or that he wouldn't come back, Lily watched him leave with a heavy heart.

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_Severus' POV_

Once he was out in the hallway, he cast another disillusionment charm over himself and left the dungeons. When he was far and clear, he made sure no one was around before reversing the charm. Severus didn't know why he had said that to Lily, nor why he had kissed her forehead. He couldn't help himself. She had looked so damaged, so afraid. Nothing like the fiery spirit he had come to know and love. They had broken his Lily and he wanted to kill the two that were responsible. He was still fuming when he left Headquarters and he apparated to Spinner's End as soon as he was past the wards. He grimaced as he stood outside of his family home. He hated it here, there were too many bad memories, but he didn't want to part with it. The house and the things inside of it were all that he had left of his mother. With a sigh, he strode through the front door and made his way down to his potions lab. He decided to bring her a pepper-up potion as well. That should help her out as well.

He grabbed a vial of pepper-up potion and fever reducer before going upstairs to his kitchen. He grabbed an apple and a banana for Lily and shrunk them along with the potions and shoved them into his pockets. He hadn't been gone long and he knew that the occupants of Headquarters were still milling about, so they wouldn't notice him being gone and coming back. He quickly disapparated and pushed his way through the gate and back into Headquarters. Once he was sure he was alone, he made his way back down to the dungeon after disillusioning himself again. He was eager to get back down to the dungeons to see Lily and he was almost running by the time he reached her door. He pressed his ear against the door to make sure no one was in there with her before he entered the cell. She appeared to be sleeping somewhat peacefully. Severus was loathe to wake her, but he knew that he needed her to drink the potions and eat the fruit that he had brought her. With a heavy heart, he kneeled down next to her and shook her gently. His heart dropped even further when she let out a small cry and pushed herself away from Severus, looking around her cell with wild eyes.

"Lily," he said softly, "It's okay, it's Severus. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Sev?" Lily asked as her eyes slowly focused.

"I brought the potions and fruit for you," Severus said as he plucked the items from his pocket and enlarged them to their normal size.

He handed Lily the two potions first which she drained in one go each. She took the apple from his hand and began eating it, slowly and methodically. She was focused on the task of eating and Severus took the chance to watch her. She brought the apple up to her mouth and bit down, a little of the juice dribbling down her chin. Severus longed to reach out and wipe it away, but he didn't want to press his luck. It was still too early for them to talk about the past and hopefully reconcile. He would wait until she was out of harm's way to attempt it, if she even wanted to speak to him once she was back with Potter. He still didn't know what she saw in him and he wanted to ask her so badly, but the look of delight on her face at the taste of the apple made him stamp down his questions. All in due time. When she was finished with the apple, she took the banana from him and ate it in a few bites. She licked her lips and Severus' eyes darkened as he watched her tongue swipe moisture across her lips.

"Will you have to go again?" she asked quietly, breaking Severus out of his thoughts.

"It's too dangerous for me to stay down here long," Severus said, "I'll try to come back as soon as I can with some more food, in the meantime I'm going to start thinking of ways to get you out of here."

"You promise you'll get me out?"

Severus nodded his head, a determined gleam in his eyes, "I promise."

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**Author's Note: **Yay! Severus! I hope you guys liked this chapter! So I've been debating about what to do with Harry. Should I make Lily already pregnant and use that as why James and Lily get married? Or should I have Lily go back to James for a bit and that's where she gets pregnant? I'm trying not to deviate too much from the actual series, but it's hard when my entire fanfiction isn't canon. Let me know what you think! Lily will end up with Severus regardless of how she gets pregnant, but I would really love your feedback! So leave me a review and let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter, nor will I ever own it.

**Author's Note: **Thank you guys so much for all of the reviews! I absolutely loved all of your input. I've decided what course I'm going to go with my story, but you'll have to wait and find out what I decided! Don't worry; you won't have to wait very long. It will be a little obvious! Please keep up with the reviews! I'll write faster with the motivation of your reviews. So here is chapter three! I hope you enjoy it!

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**Begin Again  
****Chapter Three**

_Severus' POV_

For the next three days, Severus would make his way back to headquarters with a pepper-up potion, a fever reducer and some fruit for Lily. He would stay with her for no more than ten or fifteen minutes, but Severus found himself looking forward to those few minutes. While Lily was still withdrawn and nervous, he could always see the slight sparkle in her eyes when he opened the door to reveal himself. He was no closer to figuring out how to get Lily out then he was when he first found out she had been captured. He didn't know how he was going to get her past the wards without the Dark Lord noticing. Pacing his study, Severus knew he had to do something drastic, something that no one expected. He knew he was going to have to go to Dumbledore. He could let them know about the Dark Lord's plan to attack their headquarters. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed heavily. It had to be done. He sat down in his chair at his desk and pulled out a quill and parchment. This was for Lily. He would risk everything for her. With that thought in his mind, Severus dipped his quill in his ink and began to write. It didn't take long for Severus to get the words out, and once the letter was done, he cast a charm on the parchment so that only Dumbledore would be able to read it.

He walked towards his window with the parchment in hand and tied it to the leg of his eagle owl, "Take this to Albus Dumbledore."

The owl hooted softly and flew out of the open window. Now all Severus had to do was wait. This was easier said than done, of course. He had already visited Lily today and he wasn't going to risk missing Dumbledore's reply or getting caught with Lily. He tried to read a rare book about potions, but he found he couldn't concentrate and he went back to pacing, his mind racing. He needed the Order's help to get Lily out. He couldn't risk it by himself. He couldn't risk Lily's life; he could care less about his own. Severus slumped down on the couch in his study and didn't even realize when his eyes started to close. He was jerked out of his uneasy sleep a few hours later when he heard a tapping on the window. He rubbed his eyes and looked up, seeing his eagle owl waiting for him. He tripped over himself as he rushed to get the window open and hissed in pain. He had banged his knee against his desk, not that it mattered. He gave his eagle owl a few treats to nibble on and took the piece of parchment that was tied around his leg.

_Meet me at The Hog's Head in Hogsmade as soon as you get this letter._

It was short and to the point. Severus wasted no time. He grabbed his cloak and threw it over his shoulders, drawing the hood up to cover his face and apparated to Hogsmade. The sleepy little village was just how he remembered it. Snow covered the ground and it was quiet. It was a weekday so all of the students were still up at the castle. Severus shoved his hands into his pockets and made his way towards the far end of the village where the Hog's Head was located. He could hear the crunch of the snow under his feet and the slight _huff _that his breath made as he exhaled. It didn't take him too long to get to the Hog's Head and when he entered, he looked around for Dumbledore's tell-tale silver beard and hair. It didn't take long for Severus to spot the old man, who beckoned him to a private room near the back. Severus followed him warily and shut the door behind them both. Before Dumbledore said anything to him, he took out his wand and waved it around, muttering a few protection spells. He sat down in one of the cozy arm chairs and indicated for Severus to sit across from him. Severus took off his cloak and hung it on one of the pegs on the wall before sitting across from his old headmaster.

"Severus, it's good to see you again," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

"Likewise, Professor," Severus replied.

"Please, please, Severus. You're a grown man now, call me Albus."

"Very well… Albus," Severus said after a slight pause.

"Your letter seemed rather urgent. What can I help you with?" Dumbledore asked.

"I know where Lily Evans is being kept."

Dumbledore raised a silver eyebrow and looked at Severus over his half-moon spectacles, "And you know this because you're a Death Eater."

Severus winced when it was said out loud, "Yes, I am, but I don't want to be. It was a stupid decision. They tortured Lily for information. They know where your Headquarters are and plan to attack it in exactly four days' time."

"What is it you want from me, Severus?"

"I want you to help me get Lily out," Severus articulated.

"And what will you do for me?" Dumbledore propped his elbows up on his knees and linked his fingers together, staring intently at the man before him.

"I gave you information about the attack!" Severus nearly shouted.

Dumbledore nodded, "Yes but we expected this, we always switch Headquarters when one of ours gets captured."

Severus sat back, dumbfounded. Was Dumbledore just going to let one of his own die? By the hands of Death Eaters? How was he more concerned with rescuing Lily than the man before him? What did Dumbledore expect him to do? He couldn't just give up the Dark Lord, he didn't even know if that was possible. The man was so powerful he would probably just wave his wand around and people would die at his feet. If that was what Dumbledore wanted then he would have to find a way to do it subtly.

"What do I need to do?" Severus asked, bracing himself.

"When next year's term starts, I'm going to need a new potions professor," Dumbledore stated off-handedly, "I want you to fill that position."

"Me? Why?"

Dumbledore leaned close to Severus, "Voldemort wants someone to keep an eye on me, you will fill that position for him while being my spy."

"You want me to betray the Dark Lord?" Severus asked slowly.

"Yes," Dumbledore stated simply.

"If I do this," Severus began, "You'll help me rescue Lily? You'll keep her safe afterwards?"

"I will do whatever it takes to keep Lily from harm," Dumbledore promised.

Severus took a moment to think about it before he nodded, "Then I'll do it."

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_James' POV_

It had been nearly a month since Lily had disappeared. James was growing more and more frantic as the days ticked by and there was no sign of her. Partly because he was worried sick about her, and partly because if he didn't find her soon, the love potion he had been giving her would wear off. James knew it was wrong, but he knew it was the only way to make Lily love him. She had been so obsessed with that damn snake in school! When they got in their big fight, James took his chance. Ever since their first date, he had been slipping her a bit of love potion and once she was under his spell, he convinced her that Snivellus was someone she shouldn't be around and when the greasy bastard came crawling back to her, she turned him down _hard. _It was beautiful. He had made sure to use small doses at first so it wouldn't be obvious and now he can get by with one large dose once a month.

James had been pacing in the living room of the re-located Headquarters when the door opened and Dumbledore strode in, followed by none other than Snivellus. James gave an outraged cry and whipped out his wand, pointing it at his childhood enemy, "What the hell is he doing here, Professor?!"

"Severus is here to help us," Dumbledore said, placing his hand on James' wrist and lowering his wand, "He has found your dear Lily."

"He was probably the one that captured her!" James spat.

"Actually, Potter," Snivellus sneered, "I found her three days ago and I've been healing her wounds and making sure she has food. What have you been doing to help her?"

"You son of a bitch!" James yelled and launched himself towards Snivellus.

James didn't get very far. With a quick flick of his wand, Dumbledore had James immobilized, "James. Severus is here to help us; if you want to get Lily back then you need to control yourself. Now I'm going to reverse the spell, if you try to hurt Severus again, you won't be part of the rescue group."

Dumbledore released the spell and James glared at Snivellus, clenching his fists together. He was glad that Lily had been found, but he was nervous that it was too late. With Snivellus around, the love potion might have worn off faster than James had originally anticipated. He knew that the more a person was around the person they had truly loved before they started taking the love potion, it would wear off quicker. That was something James didn't want to happen. He didn't want to lose Lily to Snivellus of all people, not when they had been so close to getting married! He growled low in his throat as he followed Dumbledore and the snake into the dining room where other members of the Order were waiting. It was obvious that they were weary of the Death Eater, but it was also obvious that they had heard the exchange between the three men in the living room. James sat down between Sirius and Remus, crossing his arms across his chest and continuing to glare at Snivellus.

"Severus has agreed to turn spy for us if we help him get Lily out of the clutches of the Death Eaters," Dumbledore stated.

There was a tense silence in the room that was broken by Alice, "You know where Lily is?"

Snivellus turned to Alice and nodded slowly, "I found her a few days ago in the dungeons of Death Eater Headquarters."

"So how are we going to get her out?" Alice asked.

"Voldemort is planning to attack our old Headquarters in four days' time. Severus is going to show us where their Headquarters is so that while they're out raiding where they think we will be, we will actually be taking their Headquarters by force and getting Lily out," Dumbledore explained.

"And how do we know this isn't a trap?" James growled.

"Because I trust Severus."

That shut everyone up. If Dumbledore said he trusted someone then it was in your best interest not to argue with him. For the next two hours, they went over their plan of attack. Snivellus agreed to bring the wards down once most of the Death Eaters were gone and would send a patronus to let them know when it was okay to apparate there. Snivellus would have to fight with the Death Eaters to make it look like he had nothing to do with it. James thought maybe he could find a way to take care of the bastard in the middle of the fighting. It would solve all of his problems. Snivellus made them a rough layout of the house and where the dungeon was located and which cell Lily was in. After Lily was out and safe, then everyone would get out before the rest of the Death Eaters and Voldemort himself came back. Snivellus would follow a few hours afterwards. Once the plan was set and all the details hashed out, Dumbledore lead Snivellus out of Headquarters.

James turned to Sirius, "I don't trust him."

"It's not our job to trust him," Remus said tiredly, "That's Dumbledore's job. We just have to worry about getting Lily out safe."

James wanted to snap at Remus, but he was right. The sooner they got Lily out of there, the sooner he could resume giving her the love potion and the sooner they could get married. Snivellus would be out of the picture again and everything would be perfect.

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_Severus' POV_

The next day when Severus returned to Death Eater Headquarters, he felt out the wards to see how much magic he was going to have to exercise to bring the wards down. They were powerful wards indeed, but not put up by the Dark Lord himself so he wouldn't have to use as much energy as he had originally anticipated. He was going to have to bring them down from the inside so no one would know they were being torn down. When he was finished with that, he made his way down to the dungeons quickly and quietly. Luckily there was hardly anyone around when the Dark Lord wasn't having his big meetings. When he opened the door to the cell Lily was occupying, his heart dropped to his feet. Lily was lying on the ground, motionless. She was much paler than usual and she was covered in blood. He let out a strangled cry and ran to her, falling to his knees next to her prone form. He could tell she was breathing, but it was much too shallow. Her eyes were fluttering wildly behind her lids and her breath rattled in her throat. He sat against the wall and eased her up so she was lying against his chest.

He shook her gently to try and wake her up, "Lily… Lily please wake up."

She let out a soft moan and her head lolled to the side, "Sev?"

"It's me, Lily, you're safe," he whispered, relief washing through him.

Lily whimpered and clutched weakly at his robes, muttering something that was too low for Severus to hear.

"I can't hear you, Lily. Tell me what happened."

"Miscarriage," Lily said in a horrified whisper, "I had a miscarriage. I didn't… I didn't even know."

Severus immediately felt guilty for the happiness he felt at her words. Lily hadn't been defiled or beaten and she had lost Potter's child. He knew he was a horrible person for feeling the way he did, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to get Lily out of here and make up with her. He wanted her to leave Potter and be with him. It was all he had ever wanted since he saw her for the first time at the park by their house. He kept silent and comforted Lily the best he could. He couldn't clean up the blood, the Death Eaters would become suspicious if they came back and she was suddenly clean. He forced her to eat some of the food he brought her and gave her the fever reducer and the pepper-up potion, hoping it would help to ease the ache she felt. He stayed with her longer than he was comfortable with, and when he made to leave, she clung to him desperately.

"Please don't leave me, Sev," she begged.

Severus cupped her face in his hands, "I have to. You know I do. I'll be back tomorrow and the Order is coming to rescue you in three days. Just hold on a little longer for me, Lily."

"No one has tried to save me except for you," Lily moaned, "They won't come!"

"They will," Severus said, "I made sure of it. Just get some rest, I'll be back tomorrow."

Tears welled up in Lily's eyes and her lower lip trembled. Severus wanted nothing more than to capture those trembling lips with his own and assure her that everything would be alright, but he knew it would have to wait. Lily was too fragile. She slowly let go of him and with a quick look behind him, Severus swept from her cell and made his way back to his home. Now he just had to wait.

The next two days passed painstakingly slow. On the third day, Severus prepared himself for the worst. The plan could either go incredibly well or terribly bad. When he got to Headquarters and had the meeting with the other Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, he found out that everyone save himself and three other Death Eaters were to stay behind and guard the Dark Lord's home. He didn't even have to ask to stay behind, the Dark Lord ordered him to. Severus was, after all, a valuable asset to his cause. No one else could make curses and potions the way he did. It wasn't long before the Dark Lord and the rest of the Death Eaters left Headquarters. Severus waited a few moments before excusing himself to an empty room and began taking down the wards. It was slow and difficult, but he managed it without losing too much of his strength. Once the wards were down, he sent his patronus out the back to contact Dumbledore.

He went back into the dining room where the three other Death Eaters were playing exploding snap. He began playing with them and within fifteen minutes of Severus sending out his patronus, there was a loud _'crack!' _that came from the front door. The other Death Eaters jumped to their feet, pulling out their wands while Severus stood slowly. He knew what was coming and he wanted to find Potter. Once the Order spilled into the front room, Severus was a little disappointed that Potter wasn't there. He saw Alice, who he would avoid; she was always nice to him in school. There was also Frank Longbottom, the Prewett twins, Alastor Moody and Minerva McGonagall. Severus briefly wondered where Potter, Black and Lupin were. His thoughts were halted when a jet of red light barely missed him; he shook himself and made his way into the fray.

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_Lily's POV_

Today was the day that Severus said the Order was supposed to rescue her. Even with the food and potions he had been slipping her, she felt sick. No one had bothered her so far that day or the day before and she was thankful. She didn't think she could handle anymore. Her body was incredibly weak and she couldn't stop shaking. She was freezing but sweat had broken out all over her body. There was dried blood crusted on her clothes and her legs. She just wanted out of here. She wanted Severus. Her thoughts were broken when a loud _BOOM _shook the walls around her. She could hear the muffled cries of spells and heard them as they crashed into the walls and floor above her head. Perhaps Severus was right and they had come for her. The fighting was still going on upstairs when the door to her cell creaked open.

"Lily?"

For some reason, Lily tensed up at the voice. She knew that voice so well. It had comforted her many times in the past two years and she was confused why she didn't want him anywhere near her. The door opened fully and James Potter stood in the doorway. His black hair stood on end and his hazel eyes scanned the room before landing on her prone form. He let out a gasp and rushed towards her. The movement caused Lily to quickly scramble backwards. She didn't know where the rush of strength came from, but she just knew that she didn't want James anywhere near her.

"Did you find her, James?" That voice belonged to Sirius.

"Is she okay?" and that was Remus.

Out of the three, Lily was most relieved to hear Remus. He had always been the logical and soft spoken one of the group. When James tried to get closer to her, she pressed herself into the corner of the room, her eyes darting wildly around her, searching for some sort of escape. He reached out to touch her and Lily slapped his hands away. He was frowning at her and saying something, but she couldn't hear anything over the sound of her own harsh breathing. Sirius and Remus soon came into view and she looked up at Remus beseechingly. He seemed to understand what she wanted and put a hand on James' shoulder.

"She's frightened, James," Remus said softly, "Move back towards the door. I'll get her."

James glared at Remus, but did as his friend told him to and stood at the door with Sirius. Lily was still pressed against the wall. She knew she was safe, but she only wanted Severus. She didn't want anyone else to touch her. Remus pocketed his wand and moved towards her slowly, his hands outstretched. Lily couldn't relax even if she wanted to. She wanted out of this damn cell but she wanted Severus to bring her out. A small sob escaped her lips and she shook her head at Remus. He stopped where he was and she shook violently, trying to hold onto the last of her strength.

"Forgive me, Lily," Remus said sadly as he pulled out his wand, "_Dormio."_

Lily's eyes suddenly felt very heavy. The energy that was just fizzing through her veins suddenly vanished. Her body relaxed and her head dropped slightly. She fought to keep her eyes open and tried to tell Remus to stay back, but she was just too tired. She fought weakly as Remus gathered her into his arms and he only rocked her slightly and whispered comforting things into her ear. Lily didn't want to be in his arms, but she couldn't fight it, the darkness was rising up and she let it claim her. She fell into a deep sleep as Remus carried her out of the cell and back to safety.

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**Author's Note: **TaDa! Chapter Three! What did you think? I wanted Lily's miscarriage to be like her almost letting go of James. I don't particularly care for James, as you can tell. Since this story already doesn't follow canon, I figured I should write it how I want it, without worrying too much about following the story line. Thank you sooo much for your input guys! It really helped me out a lot! If you have any more suggestions, please do not hesitate to share them with me! I have an idea of where I want this story to go and I'd love your feedback! So again, please review and let me know what you think!


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